Characters:
BUYER
POSTMAN
MAN 1
MAN 2
SELLER
SMALL CHILD
ESTATE AGENT
ACT ONE
EXT. OUTSIDE THE FLAT
A well-to-do residential street with large detached stone houses and well kept gardens.
[Footsteps]
BUYER walks into the clipped-hedged garden of the largest stone house. Bright sunshine glints off its large windows. She walks around it a couple of times looking for a door. Then she spots a postman delivering letters.
BUYER
Hello.
POSTMAN
Hello
BUYER
I’m looking for 1E. Do you know where 1E in this, er, building is?
POSTMAN
Yeah, er, I think it’s here, around the corner…
BUYER
Around the corner?
POSTMAN
Sorry, you have to check them all don’t you?…
BUYER
Yeah I know huh! It’s like 1B, 1A…
POSTMAN
[Indicating] I think it’s…
BUYER
OK, great, thank you.
BUYER walks around the corner and inspects the side door on a new extension that the POSTMAN was gesturing towards. ‘1E’ IS WRITTEN ON A BUZZER. BUYER looks at it, hesitates but decides not to ring. She pauses and then walks back to the road, deciding to stand just by the left stone driveway pillar. It’s a lovely sunny day and, although she checks her iPhone a couple of times, she’s happy to be out of the car.
She waits.
[A car drives past. Her text message alert whistles.]
She walks over to the door to the flat again and presses the buzzer.
[Her text message alert whistles again.]
There’s no answer. She walks back to her spot by the road.
A MAN walks past and smiles.
MAN 1
Hello.
BUYER
Hello.
That’s not something that usually happens where she’s from.
She looks at her text message and sends a reply.
[Car doors slam. The engine starts and then stops. The car door slams again.]
MAN 2
Lovely day…
BUYER
Yeah it’s gorgeous isn’t it?
It really isn’t like where she’s from. BUYER smiles to herself. Another car goes past.
[The phone rings.]
BUYER
Hell-o?
…
Yeah, hi. Yes. Yeah…
Ok… Ok. Alright…
Thanks. Cheers, bye.
She stands and waits.
BUYER
Oh hello, I think I just had a missed call from you? Er, it was, er, earlier this morning? My name is XXX, XXX XXXX.
[long pause]
Ok.
Right. Er, why’s that, sor…
[pause]
Oh no, I’m so sorry. That’s terrible.
Oh dear. Yeah of course.
[pause]
Yep. Yep, ok, fine. Well, send my best wishes, I hope she’s ok.
Alright. Thank you.
Cheers. Bub-bye.
She waits.
She starts to photograph the building with her iPhone.
[durrrdurrdk durrrdurrdk durrdurrdk goes the fake shutter.]
She comes back to her point by the drive and examines her photos.
A car pulls up and a family get out.
[Her text message whistles.]
The woman eventually walks up to her.
SELLER
You’re not waiting for a viewing?
BUYER
Yeah I am, are you?…
SELLER
Is it 1E?
BUYER
YES.
SELLER
Ah, we thought you’d be finished.
BUYER
Well, it was kind of my fault as I got-I was late…
SELLER
Oh right…
BUYER
…and then they said they’d come and meet me and now they’re late…
SELLER
Ha ha [nervous laughter]
BUYER
Ha ha [nervous laughter] is it your property?
SELLER
Oh we can show you around, or do you want to wait?
BUYER
Yeah, I, yeah, I m-
SELLER
We, we thought, cause they said it was half twelve so we’ve been out-
BUYER
-it was, I’m sorry, I drove up from London-
SELLER
Oh have you?
BUYER
-so I’ve had problems, erm
SELLER
Ok, do you want to come and look now…?
[BUYER’S text message whistles again]
They walk over to the extension at the back of the house, added on when it was converted into flats.
SMALL CHILD
Lady!
BUYER
Hello…
Is it ok? Thank you… ah, sorry about that.
SELLER
Um, the management company we have is very, very good-
BUYER
Yeah
SELLER
-all of this is due to now be, um, redecorated including the front doors.
BUYER
Right, ok.
SELLER
And downstairs might, and the email, the estate agent’s got the email. And all the carpets are going to be cleaned shortly…
BUYER
Ok
SELLER
They said with the stains like that-
BUYER
Yep
SELLER
-if they can’t remove it, it will be replaced. That’s the one good thing about the management company, you know sometimes with flats they’re not particularly-
BUYER
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. It varies.
SELLER
Um, I don’t mind the stairs cause when I moved-when I bought the property I thought they’d be really good for fitness and I have to say [laughing] it has. It’s kept me fit. When I first got it I actually used to get a bit breathless but not any more.
BUYER
[Laughs slightly out of breath]
SELLER
Ok
[Getting to the top of the stairs, she starts to open the door.]
And one of the reasons we love living here is because you’re right by the downs.
BUYER
Yes it’s beautiful.
SELLER
But now I’ve got a grandson and I’ve got a second one coming…
BUYER
Oh right
SELLER
and I’ve just… it’s the idea of, erm, going up there with pushchairs and things-
BUYER
Yes it’s a bit hard.
SELLER
That’s um more of an issue for me. But I’ll show you around…
They walk into a hall with a door at the end. It snakes round, leading them to a large room.
SELLER
This is the lounge.
BUYER
It’s lovely.
SELLER
When we bought it…
BUYER
[Looking around]
Wow, it’s a good size.
SELLER
It was completely, really not very good at all, and um, we stripped it right back…
BUYER
Yeah
SELLER
…new electrics, new ceiling – coving bits, new erm erm and what we also did as well is put in window seats so we had erm…
BUYER
It’s lovely.
SELLER
…storage?
BUYER
Oh great, that’s a very good-
SELLER
So you’ve-
BUYER
-idea.
SELLER
-got lots of storage underneath
BUYER
Oh, great
SELLER
And also there’s a radiator erm here so you can-
[BUYER’S text message whistles]
SELLER
-but it never gets cold
BUYER
Yeah
SELLER
It’s not, there’s no heating on now. [To her partner] Can you erm?
There’s not heating on now-
BUYER
[Laughs at the small child who’s making noise in the background]
SELLER
-and, as you can see it’s, it’s really warm. So, um.
[The flat’s intercom buzzes]
BUYER
That’s probably the estate agent.
[She follows the SELLER into the kitchen]
SELLER
Hi XXXX are you ok? I’ll buzz you in. Yes she is up, yeah yeah-
BUYER
[Looking around, speaking mainly to herself] This is nice.
SELLER
-Are you in? She is, yeah, yeah.
BUYER
Ah the window seats are lovely, did you do that one as well?
SELLER
Didn’t, it, wha? Cause if really, if I showed you the original pictures, I mean, it’s unrecognisable to what it was. We did absolutely, we gutted the place.
BUYER
Yeah
SELLER
And spent a lot, a lot of money, but we also had a designer as well because I would never have chosen brown-
BUYER
No, it’s really nice-
SELLER
I wouldn’t have done, never have thought of doing the erm, y’know… the glass as splashbacks or any of that-
BUYER
Yeah, yeah I know it’s very modern-
SELLER
But there’s a wine fridge there, coffee, um, integrated coffee machine, all that will stay-
BUYER
Umm, cool.
SELLER
-all of that’s there. It’s quite sort of like, y’know impressive, um because we had, what was quite nice, we had we’ve got enough space for six, six people?
BUYER
Yeah
SELLER
And that’s really nice-
BUYER
Yeah
SELLER
-cause we use-
BUYER
You’ve got the lovely view as well…
SELLER
Yeah, oh-
BUYER
It’s great
SELLER
-the view is amazing, yeah
BUYER
How long have you been here then?
SELLER
Four and a half years…
BUYER
Oh not that long?
SELLER
I wouldn’t move if I didn’t have a grandson and the second one is on the way coming at…
[The estage agent walks into the kitchen]
BUYER
Hello! Hi, I’m XXX
ESTATE AGENT
XXX [Goes to shake hands]Nice to see you.
BUYER
Thanks for rescheduling, sorry-
ESTATE AGENT
So where did you end up? Down…
BUYER
-I got, I just, I put, I don’t know what I was thinking. I must have just been so like, concerned about getting here on time-
ESTATE AGENT
Yeah
BUYER
I didn’t actually think about whether I was heading in exactly the right direction.
ESTATE AGENT
Aahhaa that’s alrig-
BUYER
And I was getting into the centre going, hang on a minute this isn’t right. And I got there and I was like, yeah this really is-
ESTATE AGENT
[interrupting] Well you’re here now! That’s all that matters isn’t it? So…
BUYER and SELLER make sounds of agreement
ESTATE AGENT
[to SELLER] Right, thanks for that…
SELLER
It’s fine. So yeah, the only thing is that we’re here now…
ESTATE AGENT
That’s alright.
BUYER
No, it’s absolutely fine. [Indicating the flat] It’s lovely, it’s gorgeous.
[BUYER follows the ESTATE AGENT back into the hall. SELLER leaves them to it though we can here the child in the background.]
ESTATE AGENT
So, are you, you’ve driven down from London?
BUYER
Yes
ESTATE AGENT
You’ve driven down today?
BUYER
Yes, I’ve just got here from London-
ESTATE AGENT
Right.
BUYER
-so driven down this morning.
ESTATE AGENT
Ah I see
BUYER
So got a few different properties to see today but, this is just us starting to see things in Bristol so…
ESTATE AGENT
Right, right-
BUYER
…it’s very exciting…
ESTATE AGENT
Which part of London?
BUYER
Erm, I’m in South East London?
ESTATE AGENT
Yeah
BUYER
Forest Hill?
ESTATE AGENT
Yeah? Yeah. Of course, that’s nice…
BUYER
Yeah, yeah.
ESTATE AGENT
And what’s bringing you to Bristol, just?
BUYER
A number of things… Erm, what you can get for your money… compared to London is a main one, erm, lots of friends, family here as well…
ESTATE AGENT
Right
BUYER
So my mum’s actually from Bristol so-
ESTATE AGENT
Oh really?
BUYER
Yeah
ESTATE AGENT
And living in Bristol?
BUYER
No she’s not actually, but, um, my Gran and my cousins and stuff are…
ESTATE AGENT
Right, right
BUYER
-I’ve got a lot of family here and she’s here a lo-
ESTATE AGENT
Which part of Bristol?
BUYER
Er, actually in Downend?
[No reponse]
Do you know Downend?
ESTATE AGENT
Yeah, er, well, er, we’ve got a few prop, well, er, yeah yeah. We, we have, ah, quite a few meetings in our Downend branch.
BUYER
Yeah? Mm.
[pause]
ESTATE AGENT
So yeah… Mm, er, great. Right. Yeah nice and, Bristol is such a compact city.
BUYER
Yeah.
ESTATE AGENT
So easy to get around.
BUYER
It’s great, yeah.
[pause]
Yeah, no, it’s really lovely.
[pause. Then ESTATE AGENT moves back towards the kitchen]
ESTATE AGENT
Mmm, yeah, so. It’s a lovely modern kitchen.
BUYER
No, it’s beautiful.
ESTATE AGENT
You’ve got the flooring-
BUYER
Mmm worktops…
ESTATE AGENT
-it’s really well finished.
BUYER
Yep
ESTATE AGENT
And… y’know, well appointed.
BUYER
Mm, yup.
ESTATE AGENT
There’s a boiler in the corner there…
The view out to the Downs, across there…
BUYER
[Looking out of the window] Yeaa mmm
ESTATE AGENT
Yeah, and that path… that takes you across then, you see the path… if you come this way a little bit…
BUYER
Right
ESTATE AGENT
See the pedestrians walking along the path?
BUYER
Yeah, ok, yep.
ESTATE AGENT
That takes you across the Downs to-
BUYER
Right
ESTATE AGENT
-yeah, top of Clifton, top of XXX Road rather which is-
BUYER
Yeah
ESTATE AGENT
Yeah. Lovely position this.
How familiar you with XXX Park? Do you know this area?
BUYER
Not very well, it’s just something we’ve sort of started to look into and recommended so…
ESTATE AGENT
This is the most desirable place in Bristol.
BUYER
Yeah.
No, I can’t understand why. It’s beautiful.
ESTATE AGENT
You’ve got the Downs on your doorstep-
BUYER
Yeah
ESTATE AGENT
-it’s very, er, yem, yeah. Yes, beautifully…
[BUYER starts to take photographs of the kitchen]
ESTATE AGENT
Beautiful area in terms of, people take real pride in the area.
BUYER
[continues to take photos]
Yeah
ESTATE AGENT
Um, largely owner-occupiers, whereas Clifton there are lots of properties that are let.
BUYER
Mm, yep.
ESTATE AGENT
Ermm
BUYER
It’s not the studenty part of Bristol really…
ESTATE AGENT
No. Not at all. It’s more your mature residents, yeah urm, or professional couples…
BUYER
Yep.
[still taking photos]
I mean, couldn’t really have got a better day for it.
ESTATE AGENT
No, no… it’s gorgeous, yeah
And it’s been such a miserable week…
BUYER
I know!
ESTATE AGENT
Dredful. How’s it been in London?
BUYER
It’s been quite mild… It’s been quite, erm…
ESTATE AGENT
It’s been wet here.
BUYER
Yeah? It’s been quite rainy here. Erm, but…
[Moving into the large living room]
ESTATE AGENT
You’ve got spotlights that go right across.
BUYER
[snapping away]
Yep
No, it’s been beautifully done. She’s just been explaining… erm.
ESTATE AGENT
It’s a local interior designer, Clifton Village interior designer…
BUYER
Yeah, it’s very tasteful… wow
ESTATE AGENT
And these lovely window seats that they put in…
BUYER
[snap, snap]
Yeah, they were saying it’s kind of…
[snap, snap]
really good for storage.
ESTATE AGENT
Mmm
BUYER
Sorry, I’m just taking loads, erm-
ESTATE AGENT
Yeah go for it.
BUYER
-for my partner.
ESTATE AGENT
Yeah, go for it.
[they move into the next room – a good size bedroom]
It’s a really nice size flat. All the rooms are a good size.
BUYER
That’s, yeah, that’s what we liked when we saw it on…
ESTATE AGENT
And the quality…